Who am I? This is a very popular question that everyone asks at some point or another on this long journey we like to call “Life”. What you are about to read is my own personal rendition of who I am as I know it. People are entitled to their opinions, you wouldn’t be human otherwise, and I respect those people fully for using that right freely. Be that as it may, this is me as i see myself. This is who I am.
Outgoing. Spontaneous. Vivacious. Hyper. Talkative…. these are just a few of the words I would use to describe myself. I’m a people person at the root of it all. I LOVE people. Talking to people. Listening to people. Being surrounded by people. That is just how I am. These simple facts are the reason I know I have fallen far.
I just want to be alone.
I don’t want to talk to anyone.
i don’t want to listen to anyone.
I don’t want to be surrounded by anyone.
I know I have fallen far. This isn’t a time for sympathy or pity, a time to say “poor Megan.” This is a time for me to put it all out there and for you to get an idea of who I am and why I have/do the things that I do.
My life was not simple, though life rarely is. I know that I am only a blade of grass in the field that is LIFE. But my past is there. It directly affects my future. It redirects my faith and causes all manner of thoughts to run rampant in my mind. No, my life was not simple. It was hard.
Growing up with a Dad that had anger problems, a Mom that did all she could to help the child that inherited said problems, was hard. I’m angry. I am a very very angry person. Who knows? If my Dad hadn’t beat me for reasons that was beyond my control, maybe I would be different. If my Step Mom didn’t have a personal vendetta against a defenseless child, maybe I wouldn’t be the way I am now. The thing is this…
You can’t change the past…trust me… I have tried. Its there, forever etched in your mind. It is the great manipulator of a future still unknown. Your past directly affects your future. We can only decide HOW. Do you let the past take control of everything? Do you hand over the reigns of your life and let it be? Do you sit back and watch as you crumble beneath the weight?
You use your past to help build a stronger future. The past is a stepping stone to the greater good. It all comes down to how WE, as people, handle that burden. You learn from it and you move on.
That is all you can do.
It took me 21 years to realize that. I am not even CLOSE to where I need to be, where I WANT to be.
The journey has begun, and we’ve only just scratched the surface.